you are unique, act like it

being yourself is the whole point.

Why is our instinct always to want, or need, to fit in?

If you think about it, our decisions and actions, even the smallest ones, are slightly (if not entirely) influenced by a quiet desire to be like others. To be ordinary. To blend in.

And it doesn’t help living in a world where everywhere we go, there are conversations about the latest trends and hot takes. Scrolling through apps where everything is curated for us. Or maybe it’s closer to home, when people you love want you to follow a path that feels more like theirs than yours.

But honestly? I think wanting to fit in is really about feeling lost. It’s the fear of being alone. The thought of carving your way through life, except it feels like a dense jungle you don’t have a map for.

And I get it. I’ve been there. It’s not easy.

But just like any other choice, it’s yours to make.

“The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.”
— Rita Mae Brown

Looking back, the urge to be included started at a young age. It was either “I have to tone down a bit” or “I want them to like me.” No in-between.

What I wore, how I wore it, the way I spoke, the things I said, were all shaped by this constant need to belong. To not stand out too much. To fit.

I remember being a smart and confident child — witty, cheeky, one who’s unafraid to speak their mind and not scared of standing out (at least that’s what I’ve been told over the years).

Then, being brought into a culture where children were meant to be quiet, reserved, and “well-behaved” — no room for expression, even less for individuality — was quite an experience.

I was often told I was the loudest person in the family, coming from a quiet, reserved one.

The rude one, because I was assertive.

The smart-ass, because I answered all the questions right.

The careless one, because I made mistakes.

So, of course, I felt trapped and irritated. Why am I different? Why can’t I just be like everyone else? But I didn’t know any better. The need to blend in grew stronger until it finally caved, and I started fading into the background. I became a wallflower, and the noises grew distant almost immediately.

What a relief.

It became the norm. All I had to do was stay quiet, avoid offending anyone, and move through life peacefully. It was just that simple.

One thing about a habit, though? It sticks like a second skin. I became everyone’s shadow, always following their lead, relating to them (even when I didn’t), and found comfort in that. I spent most of my time just sitting with my thoughts, unable to make decisions, scared of making mistakes, always waiting for clarity. It was as if I was going through life on ‘airplane mode’, disconnected from what the world, or life in general, was truly about.

As I grew older, I realized that the feeling never truly went away. The person I had become wasn’t who I wanted to be, and I knew it. It was like an itch that needed scratching, but it was at that annoying spot right in the middle of your back that you can’t reach. I didn’t want to just belong anymore. I wanted to stand out, because I knew I had so much more to offer.

I found myself envious of people who knew how to express themselves effortlessly, those who carried themselves with such grace, who seemed so free. Part of me resented them because I knew I once had that same gift, but I didn’t hold onto it. I didn’t fight for it. I let it slip away.

Again, I wanted to be like them. I wanted to capture that part of me, a piece of that 9-year-old girl, that was completely herself, unapologetically herself. To cling to, to showcase, to embrace.

I was never content. I was never happy. I wasn’t truly grasping what’s going on in my reality because I was constantly eyeing, observing and wanting to become someone I wasn’t. Maybe no one told me to live my life fully and authentically, maybe I just didn’t find someone I could relate to, or maybe I should’ve just known better. I’m still figuring that part out.

Being peculiar is something to embrace. Knowing that you can live unconfined as your truest self, and fully accepting that, is something to be proud of. It’s our very own superpower. It’s like a light has finally found you, inviting the world to truly see and know you.

So if you’ve ever felt like the odd one out, or like you just don’t fit, maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe it’s your sign that you were never meant to blend in. You were meant to be noticed, to be different, to be you.

And honestly? The world needs more of that.

Remember:

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”

- E.E. Cummings

So, choose to blend out. Be different. Be yourself, xo.

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